


Cross My Heart

by decadent_mousse



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Awkward Conversations About Feelings, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Heartbeat Kink, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 12:36:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7268515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decadent_mousse/pseuds/decadent_mousse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris and Josh have heart-to-heart (pun totally intended) conversation while Josh tries to distract Chris from school stress.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cross My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> The fandom needs five million more heartbeat kink fics than it currently has, and I'm doing my part to get us there, haha. A sort of sequel to [this fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6729049), though you don't need to have read it to follow this one.

Chris and Josh’s late night study sessions were a time-honored tradition that had gone on for, as the phrase suggested, a long-ass time.  They kept doing it even when college happened and their studies went in different directions, and it continued on even after Josh dropped out of college altogether.  Josh had kind of slacked off a bit when things had been rough, but he was firmly back on the horse.  The way he saw it, he was providing valuable moral support, even if  _ he _ didn’t have anything to study for.  He was trying even harder than before to be the best study partner a guy could have; he fully planned on making up for every bit of lost time.  

He’d brought enough snacks and energy drinks to fuel a whole study group.  A move which, in retrospect, might’ve been a mistake.  It hadn’t occurred to him that giving Chris access to that much caffeine might not have been the best of ideas.  He hadn’t expected him to drink  _ all _ of it.  Even spread out over a few hours, that was still a fuckload of caffeine.  Clearly desperation and caffeine addiction had overridden common sense.

Chris stared at his book with the eyes of a man who was questioning his life choices.  Like maybe whether he should have downed an entire six pack of Monster or sunk thousands of dollars into what was basically a legal form of torture masquerading as education.

"My heart's going nuts," he commented.

They were sprawled out on the bed, and under any other circumstances Josh would’ve been tempted to do something naughty and distracting, but Chris was crunching for finals and that would’ve been a dick move.  Not that it wasn’t still tempting, but it was a level of temptation he was able to resist.   
  
"I bet," Josh said.  "I think your bloodstream's probably... ninety-five percent caffeine right now."   
  
"I think you mean my caffeine stream is five percent blood."

He laughed.  “Pretty much.”   
  
"Would you... like to listen to it?"   
  
The offer caught him off-guard.  "Yeah?"   
  
"Sure, I mean," he flipped the textbook shut, "I think if I spend anymore time studying tonight my eyes are gonna melt out of their sockets."  He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.     
  
"That'd probably get you out of finals."   
  
"True," Chris mused, "but I really like my eyes."   
  
"I like them, too," Josh said with a smile.   
  
Chris turned pink and ducked his head before flopping over onto his back.  Josh scooted across the bed on his hands and knees then dropped himself unceremoniously on top of him.   
  
"Oof," Chris said, wrapping his arms around him.     
  
Josh laid his head on his chest.  Chris’s heartbeat was fast and light, with a flutter to it that was noticeable, but not bad enough to be worrying.   
  
"Wow, it's really going."   
  
"Told you."

He kind of wondered if it was just the caffeine.  Maybe it was just school getting to him, but Chris had been pretty high-strung lately.  He'd been grumpy, and Chris didn't get grumpy -- at least not very often, and definitely not for extended periods of time.  This was a guy whose enthusiasm levels in the past might’ve made Josh throw up if he didn’t love him so damn much.  He'd also been sleeping a lot less, even when he wasn't his nights studying.   
  
"Can you feel that?" Josh asked.   
  
"Yeah, kind of.  What's it sound like?"   
  
"It's kinda hard to describe."  

He pushed himself upright, wiggling out of Chris's arms.     
  
"Wait, where are you going?"   
  
"To grab my stethoscope."   
  
"You have a--" Chris started.  "Of course you do.”  In his most nonchalant tone, which was  _ way _ too nonchalant to actually sound nonchalant.  “Have you, uh, used it on anyone?"   
  
Josh grinned as he dangled off the edge of his bed, groping for his Drawer of Sin.  "Aside from myself?  No.  You'll be my first."   
  
"I'm honored."   


If the drawer had been by further away, he wouldn't have been able to reach it without getting up off the bed. That's why he kept stuff in there, though -- easy access.  You never knew when you might need a tissue, or lube, or an in-depth heart examination.  He fished out his stethoscope: a specialty cardiology one that hadn't been cheap, but was worth every penny.   
  
"Wow, fancy," Chris whistled as Josh waved it in the air victoriously.   
  
"I take cardiology very seriously."   
  
"I think you missed your true calling. Maybe you should’ve gone to med school."   
  
"Okay, first of all, med school is hell, actual literal hell, and second, the secondhand embarrassment of using this thing every day would probably kill me.  Like... I totally am not capable of being a professional about this.  At all.  It’d be downright irresponsible to put me in a professional setting.  There’d be lawsuits, probably.”   
  
Chris laughed.  "Dude, you're blushing!"   
  
He was, and he hated it.  The more he tried  _ not _ to blush, the worse it got.  He cleared his throat.  " _ Anyway _ ... let’s just shelve my missed career potential for now and focus on the task at hand, okay?"   
  
"It's too bad.  Dr. Washington kind of has a sexy ring to it."   
  
Josh smirked.  "I don't need a medical degree for us to play doctor."

“Kinky,” Chris breathed, with a hint of disbelief, like he hadn’t expected Josh to follow that train of thought to its obvious conclusion.  He really should’ve known better.   
  
The sounds Chris's heart was making were more distinct with the stethoscope than by listening by ear.  He could hear the rapid opening and closing of the valves, and the extra hard beat after the occasional skip.  He would’ve loved to have described it, in great detail.  It was a big fantasy of his, but he was no good at the thing people did where they described things with words, and heart-related dirty talk was probably going to be lost on Chris, anyway.  

Dirty talk, in general, was often lost on Chris.  One time Josh had called him a “slut” in the heat of the moment and the guy turned bright red and stayed that way for a week, and Josh had been a little more careful after that.  He didn’t want to give his boyfriend a coronary.   
  
"Here, check it out yourself.”   
  
Chris let him stick the earpieces in his ears and watched Josh thoughtfully as he guided the diaphragm across his chest.   
  
"Wow.  That sounds--"   
  
"Awesome?"   
  
"Scary."   
  
"It's only scary because you're not used to hearing it.   _ And  _ you’re all jacked up on caffeine.”   
  
Chris nodded, not looking completely reassured, and Josh's grin faltered.  He hadn't meant to freak him out.     
  
"Hey," he said softly.  "It’s pretty normal, considering.  It's fast and there's some flutters, but nothing worse than you'd get from like, indigestion or downing a whole case of energy drinks.  It's okay.  I mean, you drink caffeinated stuff all the time and you haven’t died yet.”    


"I guess.  It's just kind of weird.  I'm used to listening to yours, not mine.  It’s, like, giving me a weird out-of-body moment or something, I dunno.”

Well that had backfired badly.  Josh had weird out-of-body moments on a regular basis because his brain was just fun like that, but he hadn’t meant to inflict that on  _ Chris _ .   
  
He unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt and grabbed the stethoscope, holding the end of it against his chest.  He laid back, propping his head on Chris's stomach, and tried to keep his breathing slow and even.   
  
"Yeah, I think I like that better."  Chris let out a sigh of relief.  “I’m swearing off caffeine.”   


Josh snorted.  "Yeah, right."   
  
"Okay, I'm swearing off energy drinks."   
  
"That's a little more reasonable.  I mean, that shit has enough caffeine in it to kill an elephant."   
  
"I don't know if I can sleep like this, man."     
  
Josh wasn’t sure if he meant because of the caffeine or because of the heart attack he’d almost nearly given him a minute ago.  His heart wasn't fluttering anymore, but it was still kind of fast.  Definitely not at anything close to what could be described as "ready to fall asleep" levels.  

"Just try to relax."   
  
"Maybe I should play a few rounds of Candy Crush."   
  
"Yeah, because that'll definitely lull you to sleep."   
  
"It might!"   
  
One time he’d found Chris playing that damn game at two in the morning, insisting on "just one more level!" and had found him still playing an hour later because he hadn't run out of lives yet.     
  
"Forget it.  I'm banning phone use for the rest of the night."   
  
"You can't do that,” Chris protested.   
  
"I'm lying on top of you, I can do whatever I want."   
  
"Fine.  What should I do instead, Mom?"

"I have an idea.  Wanna hear something... different?"   
  
"No weird heart tricks," Chris said.  "Please."   
  
He made a quick gesture across his chest.  "Cross my heart."   
  
"You've been dying to use that line, haven't you?"   
  
"Yep."   
  
"Okay, what's the thing?"   
  
Josh looked at him out of the corner of his eye.  "You have to promise not to freak out."   
  
"You do realize telling me that makes me feel like it's something I should probably be freaked out about, right?"   
  
"It's really not," Josh insisted.  "I promise, it's totally innocent."   
  
"Okay," Chris replied, still sounding a bit wary.   
  
Josh flipped the head of the stethoscope over and pressed the other side of it against his chest, a couple inches higher than before.   
  
"What did that do?  It sounds the same."   
  
Josh put a finger to his lips.  "Shh."   
  
"Hey, don't shush me," Chris groused, but he grinned and closed his eyes.  "Okay, I'm shutting up."

He was silent for a few heartbeats -- literally.  Then he said, "There's a whooshing sound."   
  
"Uh huh."   
  
" _ Why _ is there a whooshing sound, Josh?  I don't hear that without the stethoscope."   
  
"Yeah, that's... kinda why doctors use stethoscopes, bro."

“Is it supposed to do that?”

Josh waved a hand dismissively.  “Well, I mean, hearts are complicated things, as long as it gets the job done, who’s to say what it’s ‘supposed’ or ‘not supposed’ to do?”

“Josh.”

“Chris.”

“You would tell me if it was something serious, right?"   
  
He rolled over onto his side, so he could give him a direct look.  This felt like the beginning of a conversation he needed eye contact for.  "If it was serious, I wouldn't have told you about it in the first place.”   
  
Chris stared at him, eyes wide with surprise and other Chris-emotions Josh never really knew what to do with.   
  
"Don't look at me like that."   
  
"I  _ will _ look at you like that.  What the hell, Josh?!”   
  
Josh bit his lip and took Chris’s hand.  He stiffened, and Josh half expected him to pull it away from him, but he didn’t.  He didn’t relax, either.

"What I'm trying to say is, is that it's fine.  It’s nothing."   
  
"And that if something  _ was _ wrong, you wouldn't tell me.  Which means you could be lying to me about it right now.”   
  
Wait, no.  That wasn’t right.

"No, what I'm saying-- what I'm trying to say-- is that my... instinct would be not to tell you.  That's why I'm telling you that I wouldn't tell you.”

Well, that had been coherent.  Chris raised an eyebrow.

Josh tried again.  “I'm trying to be honest."   
  
"How's that working out for you?"   
  
"It's fucking hard.  I hate it."   
  
Chris laughed and sniffed.

Josh scooted forward, resting his head on Chris's chest.  "Shit, dude.  Are you alright?  I was trying to help you relax, not-- not this."   
  
Chris reached under his glasses and rubbed his eyes.  "I'm okay."   
  
He was really obviously not, but Josh was practically the prince of lies, he could let a small one slide.

"It's nice to know you care so much."   
  
"You don't need to scare the shit out of me to know I care about you."   
  
Josh swallowed.  He wasn't sure that they were talking about just the heart thing anymore.  "I know.  Look, I thought it'd be cool.  You're the only person to ever hear it, aside from, like, doctors, and they don't count.  I wasn't trying to scare you, I was trying to be... intimate and shit."   
  
He adjusted his glasses and blinked at him, eyes red.  "And it's okay?"   
  
"It's totally okay.  It's just blood whooshing around a little louder than it does in the average person.  I swear to God, man, it's okay."   
  
Chris tilted his head back against the bed and sighed.  "Geez."   
  
"Are we... good?"   
  
"No, yeah, I just feel like an idiot.  Sorry."   
  
" _ I'm  _ sorry."  Josh flipped the head of the stethoscope around again.  "Okay, I think we've had enough of that end for the next decade."   
  
"You were trying to be romantic," Chris mused.  "Letting me hear it."   
  
"'Trying' being the operative word."

He was so bad at this.  “Bad” wasn’t a strong enough word.  Terrible.  Catastrophic.  He was pretty sure there was no context in which giving your boyfriend an anxiety attack and making him cry was romantic or in any way good.  Shit.   
  
"I didn't mean to flip out, I just--"   
  
"Shh."   
  
He gently rubbed the underside of Chris's wrist with his the tips of his fingers.  He could feel his pulse jumping there.  His heart was thudding hard and fast against his ear.  That was the exact opposite of what he'd been trying to accomplish.

Josh's heart had gone a little nuts for awhile there, too.  He tried to get it back under control.  Deep, even breaths.     
  
"Can I hear it again?"   
  
"I'm not sure that's a good idea."   
  
"Come on, I overreacted.  I-- I ruined the moment.”

“Dude, you didn’t ruin anything.”

“Can we try again?  Please?  Can we just, like, pretend that I didn’t completely overreact?"   
  
Josh sighed and flipped the end of the stethoscope over again.  Chris closed his eyes, and Josh followed his lead.     
  
"Let me know if the stethoscope starts bugging your ears."   
  
"I will."   
  
Josh kept rubbing his wrist.  His pulse was finally starting to slow down, beating a steady rhythm against his ear that was almost in time with the thump he could feel through his fingers on the stethoscope.   
  
"It's sounds like it's whispering."   
  
"Why do you think they call it a murmur?"   
  
"I... don't know."  He laughed.  "I just figured it was, like, some kind of metaphorical meaning or something, not a literal whispering sound."

“It's not even technically a murmur.  It's just a... thing,” Josh said, tiredness starting to set in and congeal in his brain now that things were calming down.   
  
"A thing,” Chris echoed, amused.

“A totally innocent, harmless thing,” Josh said.  “Can't even hear it if I turn my head just right.”

“Like a TV antenna.”

Josh snorted.  “Exactly like that.”

"This is nice," Chris yawned.   
  
Josh curled around him, careful not to jostle the stethoscope around too much.  "Yeah."

"Did you want to use it for awhile?"   
  
"Nah, I'm good."     
  
The stethoscope could be fun, but he liked this best.  It felt more intimate.  It came with the side benefit of lying on top of Chris, which he enjoyed.  And he knew Chris liked it, too -- the guy was a cuddler, to the max.  It was almost embarrassing.    
  
They weren't lying in a position ideal for sleeping, and the pillows were somewhere down around his feet.  Chris was finally starting to relax, though, so Josh wasn't about to suggest they move.  If they both woke up with huge kinks in the necks, it'd be worth it.     
  
"Do you listen to yours a lot?"   
  
"Not really.  Just-- sometimes, you know.  I prefer other people's."   
  
"Did you... ever listen to mine.  Before you told me about this stuff?"   
  
"I think you'd have noticed if I ever pulled a stethoscope on you."   
  
"That's not what I meant.  I mean.  We've laid all over each other a ton of times over the years.  Did you ever...?"   
  
"A couple times.  Maybe."   
  
A lot of times, definitely, but he hadn't felt that creepy about it until now.    
  
"Is that, uh, okay?"   
  
"Why wouldn't it be okay?" Chris asked.  "It's not like I mind, I was just curious."   
  
"It doesn't make it weird?"   
  
"Should it?  I mean, it's not like you did anything wrong."   
  
"Shouldn't I have, I don't know, asked for permission or something?"   
  
"Dude, let's just get this straight, for the record, if we're laying on top of each other or in bed together or in any degree of tangled up in each other, you totally have my permission to listen to whatever part of me you feel like listening to.  I mean, consider it retroactive.  If I'd known about it sooner, before we were, like, together-together, I still would've been okay with it."

"Alright.  Okay.  Thanks."   
  
They laid there quietly for a few more minutes, then Chris said.  "I'm really enjoying this, but the ear things are starting to hurt a little."   
  
"I'm honestly surprised you lasted this long.  Those things are a pain in the ass."   
  
“Well, it’s probably not meant to be used for a long time.”  Chris plucked them out with a wince.  His ears were bright red.  "Thank you, though."   
  
"Feeling better?"   
  
"I am a bit, yeah.  How'd you know this would help me relax?"   
  
"Heartbeats calm people down.  It's a thing.  There've been studies, you know?  People tend to sync up when they're close."   
  
"Emotionally close or, like, physically close?"   
  
"Both, I guess."   
  
"So, basically you're saying... that our hearts could be beating as one, right now?"  He laughed.  "That's so cheesy."   
  
"Shut up," Josh groused.   
  
"It sounds like something out of a Jane Austen novel."   
  
"So you mean you've-- you've read enough Jane Austen to know what a Jane Austen novel sounds like."   
  
Chris scoffed, but he didn't dispute it.  "Are they?"   
  
"Are they what?"   
  
"Our hearts.  Are they in sync?  I can't tell."   
  
Josh held his hand over his chest for a minute, staring thoughtfully at the ceiling.  "Nope.  Yours is still faster."   
  
"Aww."  He sounded disappointed.   
  
"Hey, our love is good and pure and all that, but it can't conquer caffeine.”   
  
Chris's heart audibly leapt at "love," and Josh's heart gave an answering skip, and he chose to chalk that one up to heart science and not just him being as big of a sap as his boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> Josh "Should Have Thought Out This Plan Better" Washington strikes again. It all worked out in the end, though!
> 
> Also worth noting that actual heart murmurs usually sound kind of gurgly. Josh's thing is actually [this](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venous_hum).


End file.
